Some Rules From The New Employee Handbook (12 of 50, 100 word post)

In the event that a sudden vaccum is created in your workspace, you may clock out. If oxygen cannot be restored to your workspace within 34 minutes, you may quit your shift.
Don’t crush any living organism. The crushing of any organism will result in disciplinary action up to and including discharge.
Don’t lift any object over the weight of a golden calf. Minor employees must not lift any object heavier than a golden fleece.
Any employee who reports to work sick, with anything other than dengue fever, rickets, river blindness, or monkeypox will be paid time and a half.